Plum Crazy

  At the end of last weeks post I promised a poll to decide what I would do with the plums I was to gather from a friends backyard.  I didn't do that because I forgot.  So to make up for it I went ahead and made the plums three ways.  This post will be about how I made preserves, ketchup and bbq sauce from the nearly 20 pounds of italian plums I was able to pick from my friends tree.  Just follow the three easy steps below in order to have your own delicious plum condiments.

Step 1

   Find a suitable plum tree.  If it's not your tree, you may need to attack in the middle of the night dressed in black and using night-vision goggles.  People will protect their plums with deadly force and extreme prejudice.  If you have a friend with a tree, promise them returns of delicious foodstuff not to exceed ten percent of gross weight.


Step 2

  Pick the plums.  Daytime or night mission, the end goal is the same, gather the plums without plumetting (harf) to your death broken limb or until you can't take the spiderwebs clinging to your arms and face anymore.  Is that a spider crawling on your face?  Probably.  Eject yourself from the tree at once if there is any doubt.

Step 3

  Follow the remaining 47 sub-steps.  I sure think I'm funny don't I?

Plum Preserves

  An easy one but so delicious, and the best thing is you can keep these throughout the long falintering* months to combat the winter-time-no-good-fruit blues.  This recipe came out slightly tart, which I like(see flapjack review). You can add more sugar if you must.  I also added some lemon peel to give it a marmaladiness.

Yield 4 Qts
8 1/2 Lb   Italian plums
3 Cups     White sugar
2 Each      Lemons

  Wash the plums, remove the pits and cut into thick slices.  Given the amount of plums I used the slicing disk in the food processor.  Peel 1 lemon and julienne the skin.  Make sure not to peel too deep, the white part of the lemon peel will add too much bitterness.  If your peel has a lot of white on it, use a sharp knife to scrape it off before you julienne.  Next, juice both lemons and combine all ingredients in a large pot.  Heat on high until the mixture starts to boil.  Reduce to medium high flame and continue to slowly boil for 1 hour.

Take that Saveur Magazine, I can make my pictures look like yours!

  That's it.  It's almost too easy.  The point of course is to have these preserves throughout the winter and canning them is a sinch.  Fill each pint jar (or whatever size jar you want) to about a half inch from the top and place in boiling water caner for 15 minutes.

*Falintering - This is Seattle's winter for those that live outside the region.  Essentially there are two seasons here, 1 month of summer followed by 11 months of falintering.

Plum Ketchup

  The decision to make ketchup wasn't hard for me.  I know a lot of people don't like it but I find it tasty.  Apparently, ketchup is the main source of Umami flavor in the US.  While I don't think you'll be getting much umami flavor out of a plum, the spices that go in to flavoring Ketchup happen to be spices that go really well with plums, the most prevalent of which is clove.

Yield 3 Qts
7 1/2 Lb     Italian plums
2 C            White Sugar
1/2 C         Apple Cider Vinegar
1 C            Brown Sugar
2 ea           Onions, small dice
4 ea           Garlic cloves, minced
1 T            Cloves
1 T            Coriander seeds
1 ea           Cinnamon Stick
1 t             Whole Black Peppercorns
2 T            Kosher Salt

  Start by cleaning, pitting and cutting the plums or slicing in the food processor.  Add to a pot along with the white and brown sugar, vinegar, onions and garlic.  Heat on high.  In the meantime make a sachet with the remaining ingredients excluding the salt.  Stir frequently until the mixture comes to a boil, reduce to medium high and cook for 1 hour, stir regularly.  Remove sachet and blend the mixture with blender or stick blender.  Add salt and adjust to taste.

Eggs meet plumchup, plumchup eggs.

  Again, you can easily can this.  I canned two pints and reserved the rest for the following recipe.

Plum BBQ Sauce

  Even though there are ketchup detractors out there, they are often the same people who love BBQ sauce.  What they don't realize is that the BBQ sauce we are all used to, is doctored ketchup.  There are many types of BBQ sauce but the one you're thinking of right now and the one most people associate their taste buds to is Kansas City style rib sauce.  This sauce should go great on grilled chicken.

Yield 2 3/4 Qts
2 qt           Plum ketchup
1 c            Dark brown sugar
1 c            Apple cider vinegar
1 c            Molasses
2 T            Cholula® hot sauce
14 ea         Dried arbol chilies
1 T            Sweet paprika
1 T            Garlic Powder
1 T            Onion Powder
1 t             Ancho Chili powder
1 t             Mustard powder
1/2 t          Cayenne
10 Turns   Black pepper
1 t             Salt

  In a sauce pot, heat your ketchup to a simmer. Grind the arbol chillies in a spice grinder or mortar and pestle. Add all ingredients except for the salt and simmer for 30 minutes stirring regularly.  Check for seasoning and add salt if needed.

  Too easy.  I used Cholula hot sauce because it uses arbol and pequin peppers, pequin being my favorite.  If you want to make this spicier, use a habenero sauce or maybe maybe a vial of pure capsaicin if I don't like you.  Good luck with that.

  In case you were wondering where the idiom plum crazy comes from, here's a good explanation.  Today's promise for next week, that there will be a next week.

Pull Y'all Up State Fair

Last Sunday was destined to be a busy day, I planned it that way so I could get the maximum amount of fun for my time and dollar.  Let me give you a play by play of how I think it went down.

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8am - Wake up, hit snooze
8:05 - Snooze 
8:10 - Snooze
8:15 - "5 more minutes"- Jill
8:20 - F**k it...

8:40 - We get up and ready ourselves to ride to the Puyallup state fair.  The mission is simple, see the show chickens, eat ridiculous fried food and get the hell out of there.

Hairless cat being humiliated, as if being hairless wasn't bad enough

 10:10 - We arrive at the fair and make our way towards the chickens....stop to see the 4H cat show.  This by the way is not the most ridiculous thing.  Last year we witnessed a Llama agility course.  If you know anything about Llamas, which I'm sure you don't, you already figured out they aren't extremely agile.  Sure they have no problem prancing around the Andes, but jumping through a hoop doesn't strike me as something that relates to a Llamas normal life.  In the 15 painful minutes we waited around to see one Llama do one act of agility, we were rewarded with nothing but the laughter that comes along with watching a teenage girl try to pull a stubborn cross between a donkey and camel through some pylons.

Glorious chicken

10:30 - Chickens glorious chickens.  Chickens as far as the nearsighted eye can see.  A whole barn full of small chickens, big chickens, red chickens, blue chickens, featherless chickens, silky chickens, young chickens, old chickens and some silly ducks.  The roosters are amazing.  I am not sure how big they can get until I come upon a Jersey Giant. This guy isn't even fully grown and he is as big as any rooster in the joint.  I'd turn and run from one of these guys if it came down to it, I'm just glad the big boy is in a cage.
11:15 - In search of the holy grail of fried foods.  Legend was told by the Guamanian Crown Prince of a fried fowl sandwich with buns of fried dough and jelly inserted.  Glorious tales of heart stopping and mouth watering ridiculousness.

Yes, that does say deep fried butter.

11:30 - Arrive at the Totally Fried booth.  Look over options.
11:31 - Thoughts of doubt, shame and fear for health creep in.
11:32 - F**k it...
11:35 - We order fried frog legs, a krispy creme chicken sandwich and fried kool-aid.  What have we done?
11:37 - Frog legs come, two of them....really?  Two dinky legs?  Oh right, this is a novelty...probably should've asked before ordering.
11:40 - Krispy creme sandwich.  What a letdown.  I blame YOU Jude Cruz!  A partially frozen jelly doughnut and a costco brand condensed poultry disc is what I get?  Of course I wolf it down and forget to let Jill try some.  She walks away feeling betrayed.  I try to tell her it wasn't good as I lick the jelly off my fingers.
11:42 - Fried Kool-Aid.  This is actually the least disappointing item.  It's pretty much fried dough with extra sugar and kool-aid powder mixed in.  I've done worse.

Deep Fried Kool-Aid. Le sigh.

11:45 - Time to get out of Dodge.  Having wandered aimlessly through the fair last year for hours, I can tell you without a doubt we got our money's worth with our short and goal oriented visit.
1:00 - Arrive in West Seattle in time to watch opening week football with Whitney.  Decide in the first five minutes to never return to this bar.  Proceed to drink beer, watch football, and talk to Mike from San Diego.  Mike is a nice family man, a TSA employee, but not one of the pat-down idiots at the airport.  He is some sort of ferry explosion prevention dude.  Hats off.  We talk football and general topics for three hours.  I go to the bathroom at the conclusion of the games and upon my return find that Mike has left without saying goodbye to Whitney or myself...WTF Mike!?  I thought we had something special.
4:30? - We arrive at friend Robot Eric's birthday party.  I drink beers and eat the last few spoonfuls of macaroni salad directly from the bowl.  I play hot wheels with Robot Eric's son Robot Ian, who thinks my name is Jillandchristophe.

Me:  What's that ladies name?
points to Jill
Ian:  Jill.
Me: What's my name?
Ian: Jillandchristophe.

For those that don't know, I used to think DC Mayor Marion Barry was two people, so I can't be too hard on the kid.  Specifically I had it in my mind that it was a woman and man team comprised of Mary and Barry.

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I think I will leave it at that, not much else happened other than my discovery of a delicious Italian Plum tree in the Robot family's backyard.  I now have plans to return to this tree, collect a bounty and make something delicious.  At the time I was thinking simple preserves.  I was told the neighbors make chutney using the plums.  Now I'm thinking I have to step it up a little.  A plum BBQ sauce perhaps?  On friday I hope to return home with many plums and I will post a poll to decide what I should make with them.  In the meantime, enjoy more pictures.

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There were a lot of tired chickens

This little chick is just sleeping.  They kind of the pass out wherever they happen to be.

The End